Accidental gluten ingestion

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Well, it seems as though I've experienced my first accidental "glutening". I went to a restaurant (buffet style) and try as I might, I did not succeed in avoiding gluten. I may have been hooped by the salad dressing, or some eejit who put the pasta salad spoon on the greens, but in the end, it got me. The symptoms were very much like "the great cracker incident" where following my inconclusive intestinal biopsy, I got cocky and decided to try eating a cracker just to see what happened. I fondly remember that time as "crackergate". Perhaps "fondly" is too strong a word. I digress. So approximately 24hrs after my meal I began the eye-splitting phase where I succumbed gradually to the effects of a catastrophic migraine. After another few hours the phase involving new and surprising gastrointestinal delights soon followed (in case you are wondering, I am currently donning my 'sarcasm suit'). With that phase seemingly on its way out (frankly, I cannot understand how it could possibly still be happening other that the fact that I am now tapping into my supply of spinal fluid to enable it) I am now firmly ensconced in "the fog". This is the place where I appear to be awake and functioning, but am actually experiencing significant trouble stringing thoughts together and I mostly just appear to those around me to be an ignoramus who simply cannot be bothered to engage in any semblance of meaningful conversation. Frankly, I'm surprised I've even been able to string these sentences together but I think it can only be explained by the singular nature of my focus: I am sitting in a dark room with no noise or any other distractions. Put me in a room with children screaming and running in circles however and you'll quickly see me change into something with the mental capacity of cream cheese.

I do hope it passes rather quickly. Meanwhile I'll do my best to avoid most people and hope they somehow fail to notice the glazed look in my eye or the faint rumble of musical delights currently coming from my small intestine.


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