Surprise! An upper gastrointestinal endoscopy and biopsy!

Got a call two days ago to take the spot of a cancellation at the gastroenterologist for a small bowel biopsy via an Upper Gastrointestinal (GI) Endoscopy. I've mentioned this before, but let's recap: this is where the doc sticks a long tube down your throat that has a camera, a tissue clipper thing, and an air hose all in it (I think). He or she goes down the esophagus, through the stomach and then into the duodenum which is the beginning of the small intestine to retrieve 3 or 4 biopsy samples. Now, while the idea of the giant tube down my throat did not thrill me, having the final "say" on the matter would be awesome.

So hubby drove me there this morning for my appointment time of 9am. Turns out I was supposed to be there at 8:20. Who knew? Certainly not ME folks...I was never told. In any event, after dealing with the attitude, I got all stripped and gowned, which I'm told is only supposed to be the case when they getcha from the other end, but whatever. So I go without hubby (which was SO not the plan) into this other waiting room with other gown-ees.

A nurse comes in almost immediately to explain the procedure to me. She brings me to her station, and with this little plastic see through doo dad (like a sign with a cross-section of a person and a big hole where she can jam a chain down inside to show you how it happens) she explains the procedure. She tells me that they'll freeze my throat, which may cause me to panic because it feels swollen, but it's not. I'm fine. I just have to remember to breathe. Then when he gets the tube to a certain point, he's going to ask me to swallow it. That's the last time I'm allowed to swallow because if I try to swallow with the tube in there, I'll gag, everything will close up and he won't be able to see. So I'm supposed to just drool all over the place. It's okay. Don't worry about my pride.

Then she tells me that because the stomach (which he has to pass through) is full of ridges and stuff, they are going to inflate it with air so they can get through easily. This means I will probably burp lots. You can see that between the gown and hospital booties, the burping and drooling, I am one HOT mama. So as she's concluding I say "are you going to give me my drugs?" and she looks surprised. She says "well, I'd say 98% of those who have this done don't have sedation because it only takes two minutes." I just have to focus on breathing deeply and it'll be all over in two minutes. I look her square in the face and say "I had natural childbirth, but this thing freaks me out. So I want the drugs." So thankfully without any attitude, she puts a little port in my arm for the doc to put the meds in later.

Just as I'm about to bid her "adieu" I look to the left at the nurses' station where I see no other than my ex boyfriend from one summer between 1st and 2nd year university. That SAME ex boyfriend that my lawyer boss at the time sent a letter to on my behalf asking for him to stop acting crazy and leave me alone or we would file a restraining order on him. Yeah. It was NOT pretty, and just as I'm trying to find my happy place, that's what I see. I lean over and say to the nurse "There's a man over there- please don't turn your head- his name is X, and he and I have a history. I do NOT want him involved in any way." She says "No problem. He won't be."

Anyways, I go back to the waiting room where I am in perfect line of sight for him (stupid place to sit) and now I'm right freakin' out. I am trying to remind myself that I am no longer that scared 18 year old girl and that it's been a long time...chances are he's given his head a shake and no longer tries to restrain his girlfriend from leaving when he's not done arguing, or leaves psychotic messages on her phone. But I'm having a hard time. Finally another nurse comes and takes me to "the room" where I lie down on my left side and she gives me the spray in my throat- twice. I swallow it down and it begins to take effect. All the adrenaline from seeing X and the worry about the procedure has me choking back tears in seconds and the Doc (who's kinda like my dad, with silly jokes and a big warm hand on yours when you're wigging out) comes in and says "Gee, I haven't even done anything to you yet and you're already crying! You REALLY don't like me do you???" then the nurse says "I left her ten seconds ago and she was fine, you walk into the room and look what you did!!" Anyways, about a millisecond later I requested a lot of drugs and he happily obliged. From that point forward, I remember vaguely gagging once, and I remember him pulling the tube out and me being full of spit at that point. That's about it.  Get the drugs- don't be a hero. No one wants to remember any of that.

So I met with him after and he had no thoughts re: the outcome. He did mention AGAIN that because I was already on a gluten free diet, one never knows, but hey, it was worth a shot. All I can hope for is I either have THE best looking small intestine on the planet, or it's wrecked beyond recognition. That way, I can be sure one way or the other. If he says it's inconclusive...bah. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

So that was my big excitement for the day. Hope everyone is well. Big weekend coming up around here so chances are not great I'll be around, but I'll try.

Ta ta for now.
Kirsten

Surprise! An upper gastrointestinal endoscopy and biopsy!