Eating disorder freedom

Once upon a time, I was not very kind to my body. I starved it, binged and purged, created strange binding rituals around when, where and how often I could eat, and totally beat myself up if I failed to adhere to them. I was lifeless, controlled by food, and could think of nothing else but how I was literally starving and desperate for real nutrition.

When I finally vocalized my silent cry for help, I began weekly "counselling sessions" in which my doctor (supposedly a specialist in the field) weighed me, listen to me talk about my obsession and the unattainable weight I wanted to reach (I still remember, I wanted to be 142 pounds- so random- and I am 5'11"), then she tried to help me find places to cut from so that I could reduce my weight further. I'm not kidding. You know how you have those pivotal moments in your life that you will never forget? Here was mine:

Dr "crazy": So what did you eat for breakfast?
Starving me: I had toast with peanut butter.
Dr "crazy": Well, how much peanut butter did you use?
Starving me: Um, I don't know. [lie]
Dr "crazy": Well, if you could reduce that from say, 2 tablespoons to 1 tablespoon, you could cut some of your fat intake.

Nope. Not kidding. I was literally starving myself and this woman, that my family had trusted to help me, was trying to find ways for me to cut calories and fat. She seemed completely oblivious to the private turmoil in my soul and instead seemed to really think this whole thing was actually about the food. What a maroon...

I decided that I had to make a choice: either I stay stuck in the cycle of starve, binge, purge, guilt and self-hatred, or I choose to break free. Now, I write that in a sentence, but that was a multi-year endeavour without any help. It was grueling, soul sapping and I was alone in that aspect of my life.  I am sharing this because for any of you who are going through this same battle or know someone who is, they don't have to go it alone.

My sister Shan has launched a mentoring program, as she felt the calling to help other women; she is now free from the hell of her own eating disorder. She has developed a clear, supported method to help women pull themselves out of the grasp of their eating disorders. Whether one of "her girls" has anorexia, bulimia or compulsive, disordered eating, she has the tools, the plans and real-life advice as to how to overcome it all. Best of all: you don't have to tread that path alone. Let her be your guide.

Shan has just launched her YouTube page which I've linked to below. If you are in the grips of this terrible illness, watch her video, sign up for updates and contact her. You'll be very glad you did.

http://www.youtube.com/user/shanlarter

Eating disorder freedom